Sunday, 16 July 2017

Iro Explains Warriors Recruitment Process

One could be forgiven for thinking that the powers that be within the Warriors establishment haven't quite mastered the important and on-going task that is player recruitment and retention. As the 2017 campaign enters the final stages of the season, it's not only hard to stay focused on the number of players leaving at seasons end but the quality of player whom won't be returning in 2018.

As to where the recruitment situation currently stands it is proving to be difficult to get a gauge on how we should be reacting. Do we continue to grow increasingly concerned or do we just carry on and "Keep the Faith" and believe in the process.

If there is one man capable of providing us with some answers regarding the clubs intended direction with recruitment, it would be Tony Iro, the 2017 Vodafone Warriors Recruitment and Development manager.

"People are often on my case about the work i do for the club and whether or not i am the right person for the job. I think those pesky #Haters need to look at just how far and wide my recruitment strategies actually reach before they form negative opinions about me without knowing all the facts"

"In this day and age, time is money and we all must endeavor to not only utilize our time efficiently but also get the right balance with work and personal life."

"It's all to common for businessmen and women alike to lose focus on the important things in life and let work begin to take complete control of our day to day living while neglecting not only family but those important all expenses paid weekends away and golf trips that our sponsors constantly offer us"

"If it wasn't for me taking the initiative and coming up with my very own process on how i approach my job then there is no way i would be able to find the time to enjoy the finer things in life....which is 100% paid for by our sponsors. Have i mentioned that already?"

"Instead of putting myself out there and doing the hard yards i now simply ask the players and those around the club if they have any friends that have either played the game, enjoy the sport or have a desire to try something new and whether or not they would be interested in playing for the Warriors"

"This literally frees up my entire calendar and not only can i now make all those events that our sponsors invite us to i now have the time to approach those sponsors and request to get even more free shit from them. I do absolutely no work these days and it is fantastic. Sure, we might not be getting the results but we now have hundreds of new players turning up for open trials and you cannot tell me that isn't a good thing. If we aren't getting results you need to blame the coaches and i have no problem stabbing a bloke in the back if required. Eventually the club will offer me the head coaching role which i deserve, mark my words".

While hearing this explanation from Iro on how he goes about player recruitment there was a long and awkward period of silence that left us speechless while Iro stood in front of us with one of the smuggest looks imaginable plastered across his face. Just when it seemed as though the interview would end with nothing more left to say from either party Iro stepped up to the plate with some parting words.

"I call it the "pIROmid scheme"".

**Important disclaimer**

This article is 100% satire. In these articles we may or may not use real names, often in semi-real or mostly fictional ways. All articles contained in the "satire" page are fiction and presumably fake news.

Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental, except for all references to staff and/or players, in which case they are based on real people, but still based almost entirely in fiction


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